stinky shoes, balloon games, & kisses blown from the window

hidden treasures that have been revealed in the last two months....here come the tears :)
im going to list them for time's sake but i hope to come back and elaborate so i can remember...

swiss cake rolls
hugs and kisses
breakfast/lunch/dinner with a 2 and 4 year old - especially sitting at the table with them
coloring
newman's light balsamic vinaigrette dressing
swinging
pork
any game you can think of to play with a balloon
playing pirates
pillsbury biscuts
building machines out of vaaarious supplies
salads!
the boys copying words I say...sometimes not such a treasure ;) more on that later
picking up isaac from nursery and watching his face light up
my handy backseat driver that helps me find my way home...even if it isn't the fastest way
shoes and socks...who knew?
wearing no pants
walks singing primary songs-apparently all the ones mommy knows too, funny how that works ;)
sunny days
little camping chairs
mud shoes
treats
preschool songs
cozy pants
tickling
buckles, buttons, zippers
familiar songs
finding as many bugs as we can on the wooden posts of the playground....yes, i live with two boys.
snuggle me warm
making rainsticks
having isaac help with housework- he LOVES pouring the laundry detergent, sorting recycling, and moving clothes from the washer to the dryer, or the basket into the washer...
bachelorette
watching shows
rests
marker on the table, walls, floor, etc
icecream
car conversations
bibs are for babies and grown ups that eat lobster...haha
tom and jerry
cow's milk
watching biggest loser with jenn :)
DVRed episodes of Law & Order SVU = no commercials :) thanks sister
SOME cooking skills...kinda ;)
laying on a blanket in the grass with the boys

things jonah and i want to eat every day for the rest of our lives: noodles, chicken and rice soup, avacados, i dont even remember what else...i'll add to that later

my list of favorite words that isaac says will come later...
just had to write SOMETHING down!
oreos,
-Diana Joy*

energy makes ice melt

silly D'ana

my favorite picture of myself. the painting is 60 times better though. llloovvveee it!

student teaching photo. weird.

my best men. some of the only reasons i have made it through the past year. I wish this was a video instead, cuz theyre funny. :)

none of the pictures really match up with the following post. just so you know. I added them after. :)
***

I hate late nights that make me think about the past.

It sounds good to me.
Cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can into the wild blue
Set me free, oh I pray.
Closer to heaven above and closer to you. Closer to you.

I don't feel like I have a place that's mine. College towns don't hold graduates very well. Home hasn't been MY home in 5 1/2 years. I want to know where to go that will make me feel the best, do the most, and work the hardest. I hate all the unknowns of my life right now. This is by far the hardest transition period I've ever had. It's even harder to be going through it, essentially....alone.

Somebody try and tell my head to try to tell my heart that I'm better off without you. My heart is stuck in second place. Without you.

Memories are overtaking me as I am packing up all of my things. I haven't moved in a year and half. It's hard to do it alone. It's hard to do my laundry alone. Every piece of my bedroom has been part of my time here. A time that has been filled with more tears, laughter, anger, gossip, eating out, exhaustion, stress and insanity --than any other time. People reading this may feel like "well, she just hasnt experienced life yet." This is what I know. This HAS been life...during a time that I have been away from my family, everything that is normal. It has shaped parts of me that never would have come through without leaving...I know what my true personality is like. When we go home, back to whats familiar, we tend to mold back into who we were when we were children. At least I do. Out here, I'm my own person. Going home is bittersweet to me. I would give my right arm (Dont forget I'm left handed...haha jk) to see my family more often...but sometimes I question whether my BEST self is at home...I know it isnt, and its frustrating to want to be there so bad, but knowing it isn't going to be right.

God bless Mommy and matchbox cars.
God bless Dad and thanks for the stars.
God hears Amen wherever we are, and I love you.

A lot has been happening in the last couple weeks that have reminded me of the blasted ex fiance. I saw him. His roommate found me on facebook and asked if "we were finally married." A friend of mine knows his wife. I dream about him. I'm moving to his home - a place I grew to love because of him. I have been packing my whole life here in Rexburg without him for the first time. Some may think "get over it." I promise you I'm over him....I'm just not over the idea of him. The friendship, the companionship, the love. I miss having a best friend.

Tonight I'll drift in a dream with you.

I have never been the type to throw things away and pack up all kinds of pictures...Its just not my style. Going through drawers and boxes has been hell. Its not that we had this amazing relationship....but it wasnt all awful either. I know good times while being in love. It makes me sick to hear or see anything that reminds me of him right now. It happens too often and I pray and thank my Heavenly Father that I am moving from the place that we really started, crashed, and burned. I have so many memories aside from him now, but a lot has been surfacing lately. I can't breathe it hurts so bad.

Sometimes I wake up crying at night, and sometimes I scream out your name.

This is turning into a pretty depressing post, but its 3:15am, and thats what I get. Itunes hates my guts and plays songs I should just delete. Ridiculous.

I remember when you were mine....

I am excited for new things to happen in my life, but because of so many unknowns, I can't be comfortable. I am having a hard time being as flexible and adaptable as I was when I came out here. I miss SVU. I think its funny that everyday, we dont know whats going to happen. In 5 days, something could happen that I know nothing about. Its an interesting concept to me. Meagan reminded me of a time when we were singing in the living room in our pajamas before the pellet stove was even there. What kind of cares did we have?? What cares will I have in 10 years that I know nothing about right now?? What else will come?
Oreos,

Diana Joy*
i want someone who knows me inside and out. and loves me for it. for real. 2008 has been the year for marriages. Some I know will last, some that I know will struggle, and some I know won't make it. In this town, its hard not to feel that the reason why youre single is because of your self worth. many ladies around me feel inadequate. i feel sorry for them, but at the same time, I try to keep my head just above the water so that I dont join them in feelings that will drown every part of me that makes me so amazing. Whoever you are, man of mine...Just know I'm a little bit crazy :)

Oreos for real now, night all...sorry im acting like this is my journal. Im just glad im writing it somewhere. xoxox

as long as its okay...

im listening to good music and contemplating life. contemplating my life, but also how precious it is in general. sometimes i treat my blog as a journal and i want baby girl goguen to know that i cant wait to see her. she is about to be the closest thing to heaven on this earth in just a little while and i am sooo grateful for the knowledge i have of where she comes from. she will be taken care of and i cant even describe in words how excited i am to be part of her life. each little person born into my family makes my heart grow more than i ever thought possible. meagan and i joke that "if nieces and nephews make me feel THIS much, i dont even want to know what it's like to have our own kids...how is it possible that you could love people that much?" Each niece and nephew has brought my family closer together and for that reason, i wouldn't mind living up to mike's accusation of how i'm gonna have 11 kids. jk everyone but each one reminds me that God is real and loves His children. He wants us to love life as young children do. Find joy in the little things. Find joy in yourself. I don't know when you'll be born baby girl, but bring heaven with you. Bring it to your family and keep my big brother in line. I love you already.
As tears pour down my face, I am reminded that I have a testimony. I dont know why sometimes I let myself forget that I KNOW it. I let myself fall from what i know is right. I appreciate these nights of solitude to think, to pray, to cry, to readjust. I want to change my life. There are so many things I need to fix. Here's to praying I have the strength to become who I truly want to be. No one really knows what that means, how much work that really includes. I love myself, I love who I am - but I can be better. Tonight is the beginning. With new life as a reminder, I will recommit to change.

Naked Cat

So I gotta jump in the shower for work in less than an hour but I HAD to post SOME of the million halloween pictures I took. I am SSOOO happy with how my costume turned out. LOVE IT!! admire me, i made my wings :) THANKS JENNYY! and leonee!!! ok, take a look...i'll write more later.

powershot

just a few pics i wanted to share...and yes, that is Elder Ron McDougal...17 years and 7 kids later..that was one of the greatest things ive ever done!

diana trying to be brave...i'll have you know i had impressing mike and matt in my head lots of the time...stupid stupid....lol but it made for some DANG good footage. haha im a crack up!!

are you proud of me?? even though i only made it 2 feet in? i tried! and the movie is SO much better if you watch it in slow motion. kristen got so sick of waiting she did it first, and her fingers started bleeding profusely out of the sides of her fingernails. we're hardcore!

sexy rexy

Soooo rexburg. I will miss you more than I ever thought that I would.

Everytime I sit down to blog, I have nothing to say. I used to have so much drama going on, and i was young so that stuff mattered more - but now, i got nothin. i think im just drained. by the time i actually sit down to write anything, my mind is FRIED. i still have a lesson plan and a praise journal to do by tomorrow morning, so i shouldnt even be doing this. haha...either way, im excited for christmas. ps. i love that i love johnny cash. haha - anyway, (did you guys know that anyways isnt a word?? wow, all those great things college is teaching me) anyway again, im just gonna post pictures because its easy and i still want you guys to see whats goin on with me even if i cant write it...

but one thing...i love music. it changes me.
"Music is just so magical. It takes you to another place. There are moments in my lifetime that a single song has had such an impact on me, it is indescribable".
I think its very funny that a member of the aquabats would say something like that. i used to listen to them while doing our "daily jobs"...side note: its even funnier that i didnt register that mom was actually saying words when i was younger. for example: law of procedure??? i didnt even know what that was till much later than when i started doing it. it just sounded like lovpraseedure. hahahahaha...semi weekly jobs?? nope. thought it was just the kind of jobs they were...who knew it meant more than once a week? which i actually think it shouldve been biweekly....or something. is semi right?? i dunno. anyway, (theres that word again..i have to erase the S every time) daily jobs are the same way...i didnt even know what the words meant. by the way!!! in my classroom, they taught "I" statements...i laughed because mom has been teaching this for years, we all know...however out of all the times ive seen this, its never been exactly how she said it...but here i was, sitting at Ucon Elementary, my second day there and my cooperating teacher holds a class meeting (family council anyone?) she writes the following on the board...
I feel _______ about__________because_____________________. I almost fell out of my chair!!!! I was trying so hard not to bust up in the back of the class. Im sure my fellow Goguen folk can relate. aaahh what a trip :) anyway, back to the music. when i was doing chores with mike, we used to play the aquabats all the time. i used to LOVE (and still do actually) when you can actually hear them having fun while playing their music. theyre insane, so its easy for them. another example is the song barbara-ann (i dont know if thats actually the name...haha) but halfway through the song, they all start laughing.....same goes for when you watch seinfeld and he starts smiling at his own jokes, bill cosby sometimes does it too....a friend of mine had the quote in his facebook status and because i LOVED it, i asked him where it was from...when he said one of the aquabats said it during an interview. i loved it because it solidified my thoughts about it. i love music, i love that even though i dont have all this history and knowledge about where things came from, music still changes me. it affects my mood. if it hits you and stirs up your very soul, who is to say that it isn't "real music..." now, there are DEFINITELY some exceptions (and no, country music isnt one of them..haha) some "music" i definitely think is a disgrace to everything good in this world. regardless, i cant say it doesnt do amazing things for people....im grateful for the freedom to like and dislike whatever i want. i love that music that ive been hearing since i was four years old still gets to me, it still makes me feel young and fearless. for some reason, songs you've been hearing that long are automatically good even if you would've hated them if you heard them now for the first time in your life. i LOVE so many random random songs. my playlist has some of my alltime favorite songs. its funny. mom said that when she heard mike's playlist, she said "ooh ya, this is mike's music." she could easily think of him when hearing it. Over the last 5 or 6 years that ive been away from home, my heart has changed, my personality has changed - and different things matter to me. I have gained a lot of strength from music over the last few years (go figure...im a goguen.) times in my life when nothing else seemed to make it better, music did. but with each stage in my life, different songs sound better to me. i like the change. it shakes things up a little bit. its almost 12:30am....7:00am is coming too soon so im out. i have to say that as MUCH as i ADORE all the Brown & Miettinen children, it has been a long time since we've had a baby born to a new little family. the excitement of what she is going to look like KILLS me :) Its a new mix...haha - we all guess but im voting that she is not gonna have any hair at all...and when she does, it'll be light for the first part of her life. cuz we were tight like sprite in heaven and we agreed it'd be funny to defy everyone's assumptions...im totally lying, and yes mike - you will have some beautiful beautiful but dark children...maybe dark? maybe hairy? but definitely gorgeous. i cannot wait to see who she looks like, and see her perfect little face. hurry baby, hurry...but honestly take your time cuz i wont see you till christmas. :) there is NOTHING like being an aunt. i assume motherhood feels pretty good, but i'll take this...its a life altering love that i didnt know i was capable of. i cannot wait. keep them coming, my wonderful siblings....by the way, with each passing day - i adore you guys more and more. dont forget about me, i'll be home soon.

oreos,

diana joy*

locks for no one...

So for the last three years I've been growing out my hair. I wanted to donate it to locks of love. I just needed it to hit my shoulders when I cut it in order to be emotionally okay with it. In order to donate, you need 10 inches cut off. I was at Angela's and decided to go on the website for information. I knew that they now accepted colored hair so I was ok...wrong. They do not accept bleached hair, which is a given for putting highlights in my hair, which I did last summer. Anyways, I decided I still needed it cut, so I went to Paul Mitchell the hair academy with my friend Liz and sat down in the chair. Bernie asked how much I wanted off, and I said maybe 3 inches....He asked if I wanted layers and I was dumbfounded....I was scared....I agreed. At the end, he asked how I wanted my "fringe." I had no idea what he was talking about. He said it again, and finally based on the look on my face he said, "your bangs." I explained the high school situation and how I grew them out and such, so we tried a little bit on the side and when they show up, they're really cute. Other than that - its a pretty normal haircut - but totally drastic from what I had 4 hours ago! Now as a disclaimer for the pictures, I ran in the sprinklers around rexburg at like 1am last night and then slept on wet hair in a ponytail - needless to say, it was kinda wacky in the back when I took it out. I woke up at like 10:40am, called for an appt and then was there by 11am. I had no time to do all this preparing, especially knowing it was getting washed. Soooo don't mind the insanity of the before pictures. I also had my luggage lost by the shuttle service on my way home from Salt Lake Airport so I have no makeup either. Ahhh - ok, thought i'd share my excitement - I love it!! oh and I made chicken enchiladas all by myself!!! I'm posting a picture of that too if it'll let me add one more...

soo life in rexburg is good. its slow cuz most of the students are gone for the break, and I have just a few people that stuck around that I can hang out with. We go floating down the river, thats really fun...We watch movies, go sunbathing (i'm the tannest i've ever been! haha) we go swimming in Rigby Lake which is disgusting but still really fun. I'm going to Yellowstone soon I hope...we'll see...anyways - heres the pics!
BEFORE: AAAHHHHH I CANT BELIEVE HOW LONG I HAD IT...

If you can't tell the difference, you're blind...but it also helps if you look at my elbows.

oreos,

DianaJoy